Star-spangled Gossip

Someone asked Sienna Miller what lessons she'd learned over the past year. Surprisingly she didn't say, "When I ask Jude if he's cheated on me, and he says no, and yet he's lying in a pile of lipstick, naked women, and condom wrappers, I probably shouldn't believe him." What she did say that the biggest lesson she's learned this year is "hold your cards close to your vest."
"I've got a huge mouth, especially when it comes to my business," the actress told Life magazine. "But I've realized that if you start talking about things, you open up a floodgate." Miller's on-again, off-again relationship with Jude Law may be on again after reports in recent weeks suggested the couple were back together. "I find it odd that people ask me things like, 'Why did you take (Jude Law) back?' I don't regret anything," she says.
Well it's good that she doesn't regret anything. You'd think she might regret hiring the nanny that was banging Jude on a regular basis. Because, in retrospect, that probably wasn't a good move.
Kanye West claimed that, during his time in China as a child, he often put on impromptu martial arts displays in the street for extra money.
"When I was little," he said, "my mom took a job over in China, and I used to do karate demonstrations for pennies. To be honest it was pretty entertaining for me, and I used to spend what I earned on ice cream. My mother was like, 'How can you ask for money from these poor Chinese people?' I guess I was a hustler in fifth grade, entertaining people."
Few things are as entertaining as the idea of a bunch of Chinese people throwing money at Kanye doing his best Bruce Lee imitation. Unless, instead of imitating Bruce Lee, he was imitating Carmen Miranda. And, instead of the performing on a street in China, he was performing in Bob's House of Transvestites in San Francisco. And, instead of throwing money, the audience was throwing butt plugs. Now that would be worthy of a Grammy.

For all the nay sayers out there who thought Tori Spelling's new fiancé was a tasteless oaf, here is irrefutable proof that he is, indeed, Prince Charming. Because is there really any more romantic way to express love than by shoving your hand down your girlfriend's pants and grabbing their ass? It almost makes me shed a tear, it's so sweet.
There are things the world needs more of - love, peace, masturbating penguins. One thing certainly not in that list is another Spears-Federline child. According to In Touch Weekly, however, Britney Spears is eager to give son Sean Preston a sibling — “the sooner the better.”
“Britney was advised to wait at least three months after her baby’s birth before trying to get pregnant again,” a friend said. “Now that that’s passed, she wants to try right away.” Spears is hoping for a girl this time around, and thinks another baby will help smooth out her relationship with Kevin Federline. “She is hoping another baby will strengthen her marriage to Kevin,” another friend said.
Ah yes, nothing like having another child in a desperate attempt to patch up a doomed relationship. That always works well. Another great idea would be for Britney to have sex with other men, take pictures, and post them on kevinlicksballs.com. Or she could wait until Kevin's asleep, cut off his testicles, and post pictures of them on kevinhasnoballs.com. He might not be happy about it, but he sure as hell wouldn't be tempted to cheat on her. Maybe.