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I'm looking for people to write for my newspaper/blog. I can give you topics and you can stay anonymous. Please try and write I'm sure it will be fun

Your Horrorscope

Aries
Do not smack a rattlesnake with a 12-foot hammer and eat his funny bone for fun. Also avoid pouring boiling oil over your Christmas tree.

Gemini
Carving crop circles into your Grandmothers fur is not the way to learn the guitar. The planet Mercury is staring.

Leo
Your confidence is great. A statue of a hairy shrimp will be enough to make you drool and run around screaming, "I love Aunt Martha!"

Libra
Cave paintings on your chin will increase public awareness of your Uncle and his fire built from water. Biscuits are vegetarians.

Sagittarius
A hairy bicycle is the most effective way to learn how to juggle bananas rather then offering a mouldy sack of tangerines to Herbert the Dancing Pixie.

Aquarius
You will feel the urge to re-enact several Shakespeare plays using mushrooms and sex toys. Go easy and don’t over-do it, as your Aunt Betsy is scared of chopsticks.
Taurus
Take things easy. Nobody likes it when pixies shove an umbrella up your anus and then open it. You stink of Swedish trench coats

Cancer
Beware - the next time you try to pump petrol from a petrol pump, you may find jellied gooseberries coming out of the nozzle. The stars are not on your side.

Virgo
Avoid going for a ride on the back of a giant squid. They are con artists and will give you cricket bats instead of marmalade and Jessica Alba posters.

Scorpio
Morris dancers will break into your home disguised as goats, and will sniff every roll of toilet paper in your bathroom and document the results on a cardboard orange.

Capricorn
The government conspiracy that you always try and convince people to believe, is finally coming true. Yes, every man (and woman) with a goatee will absorb steel through his (or her) facial hairs.

Pisces
Your concrete monkey is losing his mind and will soon implode if you don’t stroke his back and call him "Howard the Duck". If you don’t have a concrete monkey then just get rid of it.

The Power and Weakness Of Love

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment. There was this one-day during elementary school. It was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school... "Your mom only has one eye?” And they taunted me. I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "mom. Why don’t you have the other eye? If you're only going to make me a laughingstock, why don’t you just die?" my mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I’d wanted to say all this time. Maybe it was because my mom hadn’t punished me, but I didn’t think that I had hurt her feelings very badly. That night... I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful. Cause I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty. Then I studied real hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I’m living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn’t remind me of my mom. This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when. What? Who’s this? ...It was my mother... ...still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye. And I asked her, "Who are you?" "I don’t know you!!!" as if trying to make that real. I screamed at her," How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter!" "GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared out of sight. Thank good ness... she doesn’t recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn’t going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life. Then a wave of relief came upon me... one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So, lying to my wife that I was going on a business trip, I went. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

My Son …
I think my life has been long enough now. And. I won’t visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school. ...For you... and I’m sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you. You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mom, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine...I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me, I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves Me.' my son... oh, my son... I don’t want you to cry for me, because of my death. Please don’t cry... my son, I love you so much

Love

Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.

At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.


The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

There are at least 2 people in this world that would die for you.

You mean the world to someone.

Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look again.

Someone in the world no matter their Age dreams of your smile all the time

Always remember the compliments you received.

Forget the rude remarks.

Drive not Drink

WENT TO A PARTY, MUM

I went to a party, And remembered what you said. You told me not to drink, Mom So I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself, The way you said I would, That I didn't drink and drive, Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice, And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended, And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car, Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mom Something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement, And I hear the policeman say, The kid that caused this wreck was drunk, Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me, As I try hard not to cry. I can hear the paramedic say, This girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea, While he was flying high, Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom Knowing that it ruins lives? And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom Tell daddy to be brave, And when I go to heaven, Put " Mommy 's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have taught him, That it's wrong to drink and drive. Maybe if his parents had, I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom I'm getting really scared. These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom, As I lie here and die. I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!" So I love you and good-bye.

Start Laughing

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are always taken, and the ones left are handicapped or too small.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?

A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q: What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?

A: Castrated.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

Q: Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Q: What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?

A: A snowwoman is easier to make, cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head

Coke Contents

1. In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl ...Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean.

4. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

5. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

6. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away corrosion.

7. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into aload of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.

9. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

10. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.

11. To carry Coca Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly Corrosive materials.

12. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Cats Of Ancient Egypt (and today)

Some people love cats. So much so that they surround themselves with cats. Others have this grudge against them for some unknown reason. Well I think I just found the reason.

In the time I have lived on this earth I have come across interesting facts. Mostly about these spooky felines. I have finally put it all together to form a theory. But first the facts.

In Egypt there are groups of pyramids postioned in a perfect arrow pointing to true north. But no compasses right? And what about dogs? Mans best friend hates cats. Not a coincedence. Now for the weird part the cats. For one these creatures existed in this barren country. And the were domesticated. They lived with humans. They were worshiped like gods. How could the most advanced civilisation of that time have bowed down to these inferior creatures. Two words... Mind Control.

Theory:
Cats were super-intelligent life forms who could control the humans' minds. But what happened????????

As time has past people have been educated and born equal. In the years of Ancient Egypt you were either royal, a magician or slaves. Most people of course were slaves. Thus no education. Thus no new ideas! As humans progressed the ideas and traditions never questioned were now chllenged. As traditions became weaker so did the cats until they were left with almost nothing.

Still sometimes when a cat looks at me or I think about them, I feel a chill pass through me. To me some people are born to change the things that should be. While some look on stroking their cats.

So maybe these decendents do have control (A cat does have 9 lives) of some people. So this theory as far fetched as it is does seem to fill in holes left empty by science and history. It's up to you what you think. But some how I get the feeling the cats agree with me.

Boyfriends ( read this if you are in grade 8/9)

Now that we are all in high school we must think that we are totally cool and mature but we are not. Yes as much as it hurts ( the truth is painful) it’s true and everyone should admit it. But regardless of this we all think that we need boy friends ( well the girls anyway and maybe some of the boys) 90% of the conversations that the girls in our grade have are centred around boys. And boy some hormone are really raging and kicking ass while others remain blatantly non-existent. The thing is that we as the generation of today should be striving toward a more gender accepting society but I’m getting off the topic. So boyfriends right what exactly is the point. Oh yes of course I don’t have first hand experience , does that make me naive ? I don’t think so. I happen to go to high school so I do observe at close quarters ( no I’m not doing a study of teenage life forms) anyway one question I do feel obliged to ask is how exactly is an exchange of saliva romantic? I have asked around (believe me) No one , not one soul has given me an answer. Let me go through the whole boyfriend process for you.
Step 1. Oh-my-god-he-looked-at-me stage
Step 2 Oh-my-god-he-asked-me-out stage
Step 3 oh-my-god-he-is-such-a-good-kisser stage
Step 4 oh-my-god-he-broke-up-with-me stage
Now I ask seriously what is the point???
Love someone kiss someone break up with someone first he distracts you with kisses then with tears. I totally think that you should wait till you are in university that when there will be a point. Well Maybe

The Weakest Link

OK. Pay close attention. Here is a very simple little test
comprised of four easy questions to determine the level of your intellect. Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate,
with no deliberating or wasting of time. And no cheating!
On your mark, get set, go...

1: You are competing in a race
and overtake the runner in second place. In which position are you now?
Answer: If you answered that you're now in first,
you're wrong! You overtook the second runner and took his place,
therefore you are now in second place. For the next question try not to be so dim.

2: If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?
Answer: If you answered second to last, you are wrong once again.
Think about it... How can you overtake the person who is last?
If you're behind them, they can't be last. You would have been last.
It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points.
Anyway, here's another question to try. Don't take any notes or use a calculator, and remember, your replies must be instantaneous.

3: Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000. Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20. Plus 1000. And plus 10. What is the total? Answer: 5000?
Wrong again! The correct answer is 4100.
Try again with a good calculator. Today is clearly not your day,
although you should manage to get the last question right...

4: Marie's father has five daughters:
1. Cha-cha 2. Cheche 3. Chichi 4. Chocho 5. ????
Question: What is the fifth daughter's name? Think quickly...you'll find the answer below..
Answer: Chuchu?
WRONG!
It's obviously Marie!
Read the question properly.

You are clearly the weakest link

The Scratch Up Stranger

Dear Scratch Up Stranger

I’m a 16 year old boy and confused about my sexuality. The thing is I’m more comfortable with girls than I am with guys, most of my friends are girls and we have so much in common. But when I’m around guys I don’t know what to say especially when they talk about girls. ( they talk about how sexy girls are etc.) Sometimes I catch myself checking out guys, I do have some guy friends and we’re cool it’s just that we have nothing in common. And there’s my parents, my parents are really religious Catholics and think being a homosexual is a sin. I’ve been out with girls but nothing turns into a serious relationship. My best friend thinks I might be gay but I’m just so confused.

Help me please

Gay or Straight?


Dear Gay or Straight

Firstly there is nothing wrong with being gay so don’t stress so much. Secondly It’s normal that you are questioning your sexuality, You’re at a stressful stage in your life. I think your main problem is that you concentrate on what homosexuals do. In your letter you talk about “signs” that mean you are homosexual. I think you should step back, relax and think about who you are and not what homosexuals are. Whatever you do make sure you tell your parents about this, They should be there for you when you need their support and approval. Decide who you are, who you want to be and why you want to be this person. Think about you. Also tell your friends about this and ask for their support and approval through the times you need their love approval and support. So chill and take it one step at a time.
All the best whatever you decide

Scratch Up Stranger

What's your personality?

If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose?

Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you!

Angel Food Cake

Brownies

Lemon Meringue

Vanilla cake with Chocolate Icing

Strawberry Short Cake

Chocolate Icing on Chocolate Cake

Ice Cream

Carrot Cake

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what the research says .......
ANGEL FOOD CAKE...
Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.
BROWNIES...
You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of under dogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

LEMON MERINGUE...
Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, a romantic. You are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. A bit of a diva at times, very different & you have many friends.
VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING...
Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in taking you seriously. However, you are a friend for life.

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE...
Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly emotional and annoying at times.

CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE...
Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

ICE CREAM...
You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

CARROT CAKE...
You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.
Courtesy Of Sonal Naran

The top 6 Celebs of 2005

1. Paris Hilton
Comment:
To me it takes a special talent to be as arrogant as her I mean writing a book about yourself ! Wow it isn’t like she has done any work to become famous or rich. She has just inherited money from some dead guy. Jeez! She is definitely not my favourite celebrity -5/10
She is a major slut. Have you heard? She video taped herself wearing a thong the wrong-way-round and put it on the Internet! (and NO, you freaks! It’s not on there anymore!!! Ewwww!) Still she did give some money to charity, whether for her own gain or what, I don’t know. 1/10

2. Chad Michael Murray
Comment:
Oh wow! I’m not just saying that because of his looks you know. I like his personality he seems nice modest besides of course being hot 10/10
Hello 10/10 is not enough more like 100000/10

3. Lindsay Lohan
Comment
I like her but I don’t know why celebrities are always unhappy about the way they look. Lindsay Lohan dyed her hair blond! Why ? I have no idea but I think the red suited her much better. But a change of hair colour is nothing compared to anorexia but I still love her songs 6/10
She is a truly talented singer! But there were rumours that she was / is anorexic. So? That doesn’t mean we have to hate her! 9/10 (-1 for bad image portrayed by anorexia)

4. Anne Hathaway
Comment:
I think she is one of the best teen stars. She isn’t arrogant or intimidating. She is like any of us really and that is the way it should be 8/10
Whatever! I just think she makes a cool Ella Enchanted and Princess of Genovia. Way to go, Mia! 9/10

5. Avril Lavigne
Comment:
She rocks! In addition to this she is really kind and thoughtful. Everyone of us can relate to at least one of her songs 9/10
I love all of her lyrics! Apparently she writes them from her own experiences with love, etc. That is so deep! I especially love “Happy Ending”! 10/10

6. Ashton Kutcher
Comment:
Him again! Why??? To me he is really mean. My prejudice has some thing to do with “punking” people and beards so whatever! 2./10
I actually stopped liking him once I found out about the Demi Moore thing. It’s disgusting! She’s like, more than 10 years older than him!!! But, he does deserve SOMETHING for those good looks! 3/10

Bird Flu

Summer is here and millions of birds are about to begin their annual migration from Northern Asia to nest and breed in the warmth of Africa, But this time the friendly flocks might bring with them a not-so-pleasant package. The deadly “Bird Flu”. Why not so pleasant? Well in 1918 the flu killed 50 million people– this time it could be far worse. The bird flu also a.k.a. H5N1 virus is a rampant virus that infects birds and the people who handle them. In humans this virus attacks the human’s lungs but the worst part is that it kills one out of every two people it attacks. Before the world thought it was a middle eastern problem that is until it started surfacing in Europe a few weeks ago. In turkey two thousand birds were diagnosed positive aswell as two parrots that arrived in Britain from South America, as were two swans on a lake in Croatia these diagnosed birds give form to scientists worst nightmares. The bird flu is spreading around the globe. But for now the virus is mainly confined to birds but – in something that sounds like the plot of a science fiction movie– the virus has the unique ability to cross over from birds to humans. Our continent Africa ,because of it’s problems with poverty and disease, will be the most vulnerable target. Co-ordinator for the bird and human flu (UN), David Nabarrow says it might be impossible to control the virus because of lack of expertise and funds. The Bird flu is a virus that we should all be aware of because it is hitting the globe so fast that we be conscious of ourselves and of all the other diseases and viruses going around. We can never be 100 % aware but together we can make it right

Your Horrorscope

Aries
Call your semi-aquatic dog over from the mall and ask him if he bought any toupees for Christmas? If the answer is yes, you will find love within 10 minutes.

Gemini
Do not nail your chin to the highest branch of a tree in an attempt to make yourself look really sexy. Your Uncle is a wax crayon.

Leo
Never mistake a mushroom for a boiled egg especially in summer when all the hot guys and girls are out sunbathing in cheese. Your demonic Grandmother is made of jelly.

Libra
Do not use seahorses to remove icicles from your christmas tree. Embalm your chin with tea tree oil and sing like a budgie. You will attract many mates.

Sagittarius
Glue a live camel to your bunghole and tell people its your tail. You will attract the love of your life within the space of 20 days

Aquarius
Gift wrap several tentacles and give them to your Uncle as a peace offering. Wandering frogs legs and Russian curry sauce will make you saucier to the opposite sex.

Taurus
Meeting and dining with 25 sugar-free monkeys is the best way to enhance your libido and your pheromone performance. The least you can do is ask for change.

Cancer
Avoid eating crumpets shaped like Al Gore otherwise your current lunar alignment will prevent you from finding love inside a washing machine.

Virgo
Your anus is shaped like Jessica Alba. Use this to your advantage and offer your sweat pores to dwarves and moles. Your true love will come running to you.

Scorpio
Do not talk about your explosive bowels with Mickey Mouse or his dad, Tom Cruise. Flamethrowers do not drool over your lovers so you shouldnt either.

Capricorn
Hairbrushes made from Lego can work miracles on your hair and face if used correctly. Frying pans make excellent tarot cards when looking for love.

Pisces
Handle several furious cream cakes in a most vulgar manner until they confess the secrets of giving off the most potent shag scents ever.

Star-spangled Gossip

Someone asked Sienna Miller what lessons she'd learned over the past year. Surprisingly she didn't say, "When I ask Jude if he's cheated on me, and he says no, and yet he's lying in a pile of lipstick, naked women, and condom wrappers, I probably shouldn't believe him." What she did say that the biggest lesson she's learned this year is "hold your cards close to your vest."
"I've got a huge mouth, especially when it comes to my business," the actress told Life magazine. "But I've realized that if you start talking about things, you open up a floodgate." Miller's on-again, off-again relationship with Jude Law may be on again after reports in recent weeks suggested the couple were back together. "I find it odd that people ask me things like, 'Why did you take (Jude Law) back?' I don't regret anything," she says.
Well it's good that she doesn't regret anything. You'd think she might regret hiring the nanny that was banging Jude on a regular basis. Because, in retrospect, that probably wasn't a good move.
Kanye West claimed that, during his time in China as a child, he often put on impromptu martial arts displays in the street for extra money.
"When I was little," he said, "my mom took a job over in China, and I used to do karate demonstrations for pennies. To be honest it was pretty entertaining for me, and I used to spend what I earned on ice cream. My mother was like, 'How can you ask for money from these poor Chinese people?' I guess I was a hustler in fifth grade, entertaining people."
Few things are as entertaining as the idea of a bunch of Chinese people throwing money at Kanye doing his best Bruce Lee imitation. Unless, instead of imitating Bruce Lee, he was imitating Carmen Miranda. And, instead of the performing on a street in China, he was performing in Bob's House of Transvestites in San Francisco. And, instead of throwing money, the audience was throwing butt plugs. Now that would be worthy of a Grammy.

For all the nay sayers out there who thought Tori Spelling's new fiancé was a tasteless oaf, here is irrefutable proof that he is, indeed, Prince Charming. Because is there really any more romantic way to express love than by shoving your hand down your girlfriend's pants and grabbing their ass? It almost makes me shed a tear, it's so sweet.
There are things the world needs more of - love, peace, masturbating penguins. One thing certainly not in that list is another Spears-Federline child. According to In Touch Weekly, however, Britney Spears is eager to give son Sean Preston a sibling — “the sooner the better.”
“Britney was advised to wait at least three months after her baby’s birth before trying to get pregnant again,” a friend said. “Now that that’s passed, she wants to try right away.” Spears is hoping for a girl this time around, and thinks another baby will help smooth out her relationship with Kevin Federline. “She is hoping another baby will strengthen her marriage to Kevin,” another friend said.
Ah yes, nothing like having another child in a desperate attempt to patch up a doomed relationship. That always works well. Another great idea would be for Britney to have sex with other men, take pictures, and post them on kevinlicksballs.com. Or she could wait until Kevin's asleep, cut off his testicles, and post pictures of them on kevinhasnoballs.com. He might not be happy about it, but he sure as hell wouldn't be tempted to cheat on her. Maybe.

Future Disasters: The Polar Ice Caps ( the new atlantis)

In the last 100 years the Earths temperature has increased by half a degree Celsius this is not a lot but our ecosystem is fragile so this affects the Earth already. In addition to this in 100 years the earths surface temperature will rise by another 2.5 degrees Celsius the sea level has increased by about 15 - 20 cm in these last 100 years. 70 % of the world’s fresh water and ice is Antarctica. By 2100 the sea would have risen by 95 cms, which basically means all sea front property will become part of Atlantis. This is if the polar ice caps keep deteriorating at 9% per a year. This disaster due mainly to the green house effect is also due to the indiscretion of the human race. The green house effect is not necessarily a bad thing in fact it is a good thing because without it the earths temperature would be about -14 degrees Celsius and unable to support life but if the amount of greenhouse gases over power the ozone in the atmosphere we will have dangerous Uv rays entering the atmosphere in addition to the problem of the melting polar ice caps. We have all heard it a million times but heed it this millionth and one time be careful about how much deodorant you are using and how much air pollution you are causing. Because it might end costing humanity its life and trust me this will make Catrina look like a spring breeze.

Tongue Twisters

Try to say these 10 times fast

Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to Mr Outside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. Mr Outside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly "Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue
If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues

Girls prayer vs Boys prayer

THE GIRL'S PRAYER
Our Cash
Which art on plastic cards
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Michelle Herbelin watch
Thy Gucci bag
In Stuttafords
As it is in Edgars
Give us each day our Platinum Visa
And forgive us our overdraft
As we forgive those who stop our MasterCard
And lead us not into Foschini
And deliver us from Woolworths
For thine is the Levi's, the Dior and the Armani
For Chanel No.5 and Eternity
Amex.

THE BOY'S PRAYER
Our beer
Which art in bottles
Hallowed be thy booze
Thy will be drunk
At home as it is in the pub
Give us each day our daily beverage
And forgive us for drinking tea
As we forgive those who drink Marval, Fresca and Coke
And lead us not into churches
But deliver us from meetings
For mine is the bitter, the lager and the sex
Forever and ever
Amstel

The right way to order a pizza

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

8. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

9. Change your accent every three seconds.

10. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

11. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

12. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

13. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

14. Imitate the order taker's voice.

15. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

16. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

17. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

18. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

19. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

20. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

The Indian Mom

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying ,"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :

Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now.
Love, Mom.

Lesson of the day ....
Don't Lie to Your Mother
Especially if she is an Indian!

Ali G

Ali G's Sister is pregnant and has a car accident.
She falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother... He is an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, 'Wow, that's not a bad name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!'
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew."

Funny and Somewhat unbelievable Facts

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death! (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes.. lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle).

The U Quiz

MAKE SURE YOU DO THE QUIZ B4 YOU LOOK AT THE ANSWERS!!
Instructions
1. Put the numbers one to eleven in a vertical (you know top to bottom) Line
2. Next to 1 and 2 put any two numbers
3. In 3 and 7 put two members of the opposite sex
4. In 4 , 5 and 6 put any people that you know
5. In the number 8-11 put any song titles
6. You have to put your first instinct.
Here for your benefit is a place to fill in your answers:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
Now that you are done here is what this stuff means:

1. Add this to 2 and that is how many people you have to tell about this quiz

2 . See one

3. The person who you love

4. The person you care about most

5. The person who knows very well

6. Your lucky star

7. The person you like but cannot work out

8. This Song matches the person in number 3

9. This song matches the person in number 7

10. This song tells you most about your life

11. This song tells you how you feel about life

Top 10 Hottest guys on the Planet !

Two girls chose 10 Celebrity Guys and Rated them

1.Tom Cruise
Comment:
Ewwww he is so old ! And he has a beard! ( that can be shaved off!) He is unintelligent and is the worst actor I have ever seen. He ain’t such a hot samurai either. 2 /10
Shut up !! He is so hot! He was voted SEXIEST man ALIVE (I bet you were the only one voting then) by Seventeen mag. Come on those eyes are to die 4! (whateva!) what about that killer bod .(okay now I know you are on ecstasy) He is also quite the ladies man ( oh yeah I’m princess Dianna!) and has a fashion sense! 7/10

2. Chad Michael Murray
Comment:
Totally the hottest ! A crime against humanity that he is married. Nuff said! 10/10
Go Girlfriend! I totally agree wid you, for like, once in your life! He is sooooo yummy! 11/10

3. Brad Pitt
Comment:
Married , Divorced and OLD hello! A recipe for disaster totally! And can’t even portray the Greek legends well! 1/10
He is sexy ( you are so shallow) and takes the boring name Smith to a whole new level (yeah a stupid one!) Nuff Said (I guess so otherwise he might sue you 4 giving him a bad name) 10/10

4. Chris Pine (Princess Diaries 2)
Comment:
Let me see … okay in the looks section but a total dud in the personality. He is such a boring person I mean I don’t know him that well but not my ideal date in the least 6/10
He’s okay but not well known. Totally needs to shave once in a while! He seems kind of sweet. Funny hair cut. He’s is sooooo cute! But still not my ideal date! 5/10

5. Riley Smith (New York Minute)
Comment:
A total score in all sections. Totally Clever , hot , funny and smart. Totally the date I wanna take to a prom. Completely Interesting and hot. 10/10
Cute and nice. Nice hairstyle and cool clothes! I drown in those baby blue eyes. (totally!) Completely interesting personality.
Totally 4 me. 9/10

6. Ashton Kutcher
Comment:
Ewwwwwwwww! I am so outta here I mean ,Jeez Totally lame. I did not choose him. Definitely no my pick of any thing! 0/10
He definitely needs a haircut. Shave once in a while aswell. Totally gross! How did he make it on to this list? 4/10

7. Luke Mably (Prince & Me)
Comment:
Another Total score and a total Hottie! What more does girl need? 10/10
Completely cute! And romantic on top of it! 8/10

8. Robert Schwartzman (Princess Diaries)
Comment:
Sort of out there but not as far as you would think. Maybe ,then again maybe not? 5/10
Nice smile, gorgeous eyes and hot bod. Nuff said 8/10

9. Christian Bale (Batman Begins)
Comment:
One of my all-time heart throbs. Intelligent and a great actor. What More can I say! 9/10!!!
Broody and Surly but still totally hot. I think he is kind of arrogant but his piercing gaze more than makes up for it! 9/10!

10. Cillian Murphy (Batman Begins)
Comment:
Kind of cute in a mad psychotic way. totally not 4 me! But still gets classified as a kind of hottie but still no heartthrob. 4/10
I like him beyond words! Hottie alert totally HOT HOT HOT and handsome. My ideal Date!!! 10/10

My Theory on Einsteins Theory

Albert Einstein, this man was a great scientist to many people but I’m not so sure that he actually is such an icon. Sure his theory changed and revolutionized science but what has E=mc2 done for the world. But firstly what does this gibberish mean? Energy equals mass at the speed of light squared? To me only one thing comes to mind The Atomic Bomb. When Einstein created this theory he did not realise that it would create this weapon. The atomic bomb killed thousands when it dropped on Hiroshima, China. Albert Einstein did not realise that this theory of five character could destroy so many lives. I realise that he did try to stop the government when he found out what this theory could actually do but the fact remains it was his theory. I do not disagree that he was anything, but extraordinary but I cannot argue with what facts say. I know that this man, one single man who was a genius in his own right, did not mean to create the atomic bomb but just because he did not mean to does not erase it. He is still an idol and an icon but maybe less so. What I do know is that I admire Albert Einstein who has inspire me to look beyond the surface of today and look to tomorrow.
In his words:

"The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

Are we being Dictated?

We as the teenagers of today are being dictated in so many ways that it is a wonder that we are all not clones. We are dictated by the “popular people” the principle and school rules by television and worst of all magazines. These things all tell us different things. Be this way dress like that don’t do that talk like this. What if I don’t want to be like this? Reject ,freak ,nerd , outcast! Why are the children of today so cruel. The greatest icons of today are the ones who dared to be different and boy did they have a hard time of it. The thing is that we are being dictated without us even realizing it. We the generation next have been hoodwinked ,like babies , into believing that this is how we actually want to live. Surely there must someone out there who asks themselves why. But the thing is that although some people are idealists most of us are just drones who believe there is nothing more than what we actually see on the surface. We are a generation of shallow drones who look at the appearance of someone before we look at who they actually are as a person. We have orientated ourselves to believe that the people who look like cover girls of seventeen (and who are just as rich) are actually going to be the nicest possible people and we make them popular and obey every command. So I ask you do you really want to live this life??

Don't want 2 be and American Idiot

What do we really know about America? Aside from the fact it’s got a huge entertainment industry and it’s supposed to be this great land where all your dreams come true. Is it really all its put up to be? Let me tell you, I thought America was an OK place, because, you know, every place has its problems, but America has the world’s problems ten-times over. Most of those problems the government has caused and, off course, due to a “so-do-we” speaking gentleman that the rest of the world suffers. That aside, the real question I wanna ask is, “Is America actually the famed “land of the free” that it’s supposed to be? Let’s explore that, shall we? America was once said to be a place of good fortune, superior intelligence and populace. But what it has become is apparent to even its ’better-off’ people. Lets take 45% percent of this country’s population. That’s a pretty big figure, right? Well, that’s how many people in the US suffer from Obesity. These high-powered, career obsessed people lead unhealthy lifestyles, not only due to the pollution but to the fact that every 9 km there is Mickey D’s (a.k.a. McDonalds). Not a clinic, not a grocery store, not a police station, not even a garage. A McDonalds. To cut them some slack, there are thousands of other fast food places all over America. Besides the influence of advertising on these consumers, it is more expensive to make a meal at home then to order. And here’s something to think about, all you McDonald’s Fans out there, a majority of the ozone destruction over America is due to the fact that McDonald’s destroys thousands of acres of forestry, to create pastures for their many cows (not the ones that created McDonalds). Guess what? You know those cows? They are killed to create those Happy Meals that you love so much. (No offence, but after I found that out, I didn’t feel so Happy). You think South Africa’s crime is so bad? Well guess what. There are more privately owned handguns in America than anywhere else in the world. “ What the hell, let’s bomb ‘em anyways!” this quote from the esteemed President Bush diminishes America’s already tattered reputation even further. The famous “So do we” speech sent thousands of Iraqi's to their deaths. So in conclusion America “land of the idiots”

The Start Of Something Small

When you have to have something interesting to say or your life is really cool or whatever, that is when you tell people. Most people like to tell the whole world. But the problem is you can't meet the whole world right? So what do they do? Simple they start a blog . My life and whats going on in it is not very interesting. So I'm going to turn my blog into a newsletter. My newsletter to me is not just words , it's ideas and how I feel. It's about what I think is going on in the world. It's something to make people think , to let them know that there is more if they go a little bit further, that people do care about ideas as crazy as they are. But from now on it's not just me it's open to anyone . If you want to you can write articles and submit them. They will be published most of the time. Any way in the mean time I shall start publishing articles I have written my self.